We are now down to our third (and final) article on the series covering the techniques and tips to effectively implement the positive parenting approach.
Here are the prevous ones:
- The “Hows” of Positive Parenting: Proven Tips to Raise Happy & Successful Children (Part 1)
- The Hows of Positive Parenting: Proven Tips to Raise Happy & Successful Children (Part 2)
Do you still remember the first seven points that we have discussed before? Here they are:
- Manage behaviour with Clarity
- Implement Rules with Transition
- Frame your Instructions in a Positive Manner
- Work on Your Own Mood and Transform Your Perspectives
- Validate their Feelings and Empathize with their Emotions
- Interact with the Same Level Physically
- Let Self-Expression Be Free Yet Proper
So how shall we complete our list? Let us now dive into the final yet highly important hows of positive parenting!
8. Be More Intentional on Finding the Good
When our children are on the “terrible two,” “tiresome three,” “feisty four” or “fearsome five” stages, we can have the tendency to focus on the negatives. Their tantrums, disobedience, naughtiness, playfulness, and many other seemingly negative characteristics push most parents to perceive them as terrible, tiresome, feisty, or fearsome.
Instead of looking at such stages of development negatively, we can actually transform our own perspectives and direct our thoughts towards being more intentional in looking for the good. I admit, this tip can be easier said than done. But there are ways to make it work!
First, make a reflection of your parenting. Get a notebook and pen and list down both the good and the bad aspects of your parenting experience. Surely, the bad will never outweigh the good! For every cry of your child, there would be hundred-fold smiles. For every hour taken away from your sleep, there’s an overflowing bucket of happiness in your heart.
Second, be keener on looking at your child’s good behavior. When your child wakes up from her nap, you can tell her, “You’ve surely had a sweet nap, my dear! You know what? Mama also had a wonderful nap beside you. (Or Mama also had a beautiful time cooking our dinner for later!) Let’s do that again tomorrow, okay?” Remember to always verbalize your praises. Don’t be afraid to show appreciation.
9. Help & Coach Them with Their Emotions
One of the misconceptions of parents about their children’s emotions is that they are too simple and shallow to care about. Most parents would have the perception that children are too immature with a mere play on their minds, thus it is not necessary to talk about how they feel or why they are angry, frustrated, happy, excited or whatsoever.
Emotions are at the core of our being. No matter what stage in life we are, everything that we feel is valid. It is important to talk about your child’s emotions from time to time. It helps them accept and validate their own happiness, joy, anger, excitement, and disappointment.
When they suddenly smile, you can ask, “How come you are smiling, my dear?” Then you can share some of your personal accounts this way: “You know what, I also smile when I am happy. I smile when you hug me and kiss me.” It would also help if you can teach them how to react properly when they get disappointed over an unmet desire or how to show appreciation to other people.
By always talking to them about their emotions, you can help them have a secure emotional foundation which could help them cope with different circumstances as they grow and experience the real world
10. Be Generous with Love – Physically & Verbally
Are hugs and kisses a normal part of your day? Then great! Do you frequently say “I love you” to your child? Then wonderful!
Do not be afraid to show your love both physically and verbally to your children. Although others would argue that this could make them weak or feeling entitled, let me counter that. Our children are in their developing years, and they need the maximum amount of love that we can give. We cannot make them fully secure with their individuality and confident with their environment if they do not feel accepted, loved, and taken care of. The world can be quite harsh and they would soon discover this fact as they grow old. For them to be strong enough to conquer all challenges, they need to know that there are people who love them and won’t leave them no matter what happens. And that is you, mom and dad.
After all, doesn’t the world need more love? When our child is filled with love in their hearts, then it wouldn’t be hard for them to be kind to other people.
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Play enables children to know things about the world and to discover information essential to learning. Through play children learn basic concepts such as colors, counting, how to build things, and how to solve problems. Thinking and reasoning skills are at work every time a child engages in some type of play.
Not until when your child reaches a certain age, you would surely still be taller than her, right? But do you know that this physical gap between parents and children can contribute to misunderstanding and feelings of aloofness? In order to address this, you can actually make adjustments.
If you are really serious about positive parenting, then you should expect to be doing a lot of work on yourself. Positive parenting heavily relies on the ability of the parent to see the world in a positive light and to be able to control negativity in both thought and action.
