child development, family conflict, family time, momblog, Relationships

The Six Best Tips to Prevent Shouting at Your Kids

Parenting is definitely overwhelming. Although it is generally happy and fulfilling, it can also be toxic and exhausting at times. When things are not going well such as when our kids fail to listen to us or when they behave in a nasty way, we can have the tendency to yell at them. Is it normal? Or is it even acceptable?

Most moms and dads regret it when they suddenly and unintentionally shout at their children. But no matter how much they want to stop themselves from doing such, they admit that yelling seems to be a natural response.

I understand this sentiment. There are just times when our kids could easily bring out the unexpected beasts in our supposedly soft and loving hearts. But as much as possible, we don’t want this to happen. We want to continually be our children’s protector, nurturer, and safe refuge.

Not shouting at our kids is essential in making them grow mentally healthy and emotionally secure. Studies even point to the ineffectiveness of shouting in disciplining our children. When we yell at them, we do not address the main cause of misbehavior since they won’t usually be receptive to explanations during moments of distress.

To help you prevent from shouting at your children, I have compiled six of the best ways that you can use to make sure that you enforce positive discipline:

1. Identify what triggers your shouting.

1459981233-gettyimages-177462404In order to address the problem which is yelling, then we also need to know the cause of your response. Look back at the times that you have yelled at your children. Was it because of certain misconduct? Then go the extra mile in order to prevent such misbehavior. If your children usually mess up during meal times, why don’t you start teaching them table manners according to their age? If you have a toddler, then you could set up paper floor mats that could catch the dirt as she feeds. Do whatever it takes to prevent your triggers from arising.

2. Make your commands doable and easily understandable.

Your children surely have not fully matured yet, right? Then you must work on the instructions that you give them. If you want them to clean the living room, then be specific with your orders and give them one at a time. Ask them to pick up the scattered toys first, then only after that shall you order them to put the toys in the ottoman or do other things related to it. Do not bombard them with a lot of orders because they will surely fail you at some point in time and that could just cause your emotions to rise again.

3. Offer warning signs to generate teamwork.

"I'm sorry Dad!"

Be able to communicate to your children that you might be at the brink of a disastrous response and that you don’t want to reach that point. It would be nice if you could directly tell them that you are already losing patience and that you may now be triggered to shout. Such warning signs, when communicated peacefully, can generate teamwork because children would most likely rather prevent you from losing your cool than do otherwise.

4. Set realistic standards.

Your kid is not an adult; thus, you cannot expect her to be behaving like an ultra-disciplined adult who has been trained to follow all orders without room for mistakes. If you have a toddler, then don’t expect her to be eating mess-free. If you have an infant who keeps on crying at night, then don’t get mad at her for keeping you awake. After all, our expectations usually set the foundations for our behavioral responses.

5. Reflect on your day and your life.

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Have you had a bad day? Has it been months since you last had your own time for yourself at the salon or a coffee shop? Have you been feeling anxious because of career disappointments? It is important to examine yourself most especially when you have been delivering not-so-acceptable behavior towards the people around you. Be able to know how to address your own frustrations so that you can also live peacefully with your children.

6. Practice. Practice. Practice.

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Yes, it can be hard. Even when you become intentional in changing yourself, your child, and the circumstances, you could still suddenly yell at your child when certain situations happen. If ever you fail, do not ever think that it is the end of your journey to positive discipline. It could take time and a great deal of effort. Keep on practicing. But whenever you fail, do not forget to make a personal apology to your child about what you have done. Let her know that you are capable of asking forgiveness and that you need her help to remove the yelling tendencies.


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4 Beautiful Reasons Why Tantrums Are Not At All Bad

We surely don’t want to be trapped in a dreadful situation when our toddlers cry heavily, scream their hearts out, and lie down kicking on the floor in the middle of a solemn celebration or in the midst of happy social gatherings. But tantrums can just happen anytime most especially during the most unpredictable moments.

Despite the dread characterizing tantrums, I urge you to see the positive side of this seemingly uncontrollable behavior. Here are some of the most beautiful reasons why you should accept the normalcy of tantrums:

1. Tantrums relieve your children’s emotional stress.

What do you feel when you are harboring resentment in your heart? How heavy does your soul become? By knowing how toxic containing our emotions can be, then we can better accept the need for our children’s cries.

These little kids need to have an avenue for venting out their emotions. When we force to stop them from telling us that they are extremely upset or discouraged, then we also allow the further growth of stress hormones in their system. Tantrums are our children’s way of showing that their immature hearts cannot contain the sadness that they feel.

2. Tantrums make your children normal human beings.

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Do you agree that we live in a sometimes cruel world? Most people expect us to be happy at all times and behaving at our best even when situations are terrible and awful. Some parents are even shamed and criticized for dealing with stressful situations in a manner that deviates from society’s high expectations.

Tantrums only prove that our children are normal human beings – they can lose their cool, they can be overly sad, they can feel rejected, they can be disappointed, and they can show how they are without being constrained by what other people could think of them.

3. Tantrums let your children accept boundaries and manage rejections.

If you managed to not buy everything that your children asked you to buy at the mall, then congratulations! If you had the courage to get the handful of candies and chocolates from your kids, then great! You are doing the right thing as a parent.

Most children throw tantrums because of certain triggers such as not having what they want or being stopped from particular activities. Since they haven’t developed to their full maturity yet, we can expect that tantrums could be their means to overcome rejections.

temper-tantrums

When your children throw tantrums because of these reasons, resist the urge to suddenly change your mind. Don’t give in to their demands. Instead, allow them to cry but offer a soothing embrace. This will soon let them know that throwing tantrums is not the answer to their disappointments.

4. Tantrums give you a parenting challenge.

Challenges are nice to have from time to time. But what’s good in dealing with tantrums is that it tests your patience and stimulates your empathy towards your children. But with every circumstance, you have the responsibility to rise up victorious from all challenges. And victory is not measured when your child stops from crying. Victory is determined by how you dealt with the problem and how you were able to show your love even during the most stressful situations.


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child development, child safety, momblog

Providing a Safe and Secure Home for your Child

via Providing a Safe and Secure Home for your Child

Accidents in the home are the primary cause of death in U.S. children.  By taking a few simple precautions, these injuries can be avoided, making your home safe for your child and the children who visit it.

In your kitchen, you should be sure to install safety latches on cabinets and drawers. This helps keep them out of the everyday household chemicals you use to clean your home and dishware with, and also keeps them from grabbing sharp objects like scissors or knives from inside the drawers. Use the back burners when cooking on the stovetop, and keep the handles of your pots and pans turned out of a curious child’s reach while cooking.

child-reaching-for-a-pan-on-the-stove

Safety latches should be installed on cabinets and drawers in your bathrooms as well to keep them out of unsafe household cleaning products and medicines.  Be sure to unplug any electrical appliance such as a blow dryer or curling iron directly after use and put out of a child’s reach.  Teach them early that electricity and water do not mix and that no electrical appliances of any kind should ever be immersed in or placed under running water.  Toilet locks should also be used in homes that have small children to keep lids down.  Young children are ‘top heavy’ and can easily fall into a toilet if they lean in to play in it.  Since a young child can drown in less than just an inch of water, it is imperative to closely supervise them in the bathroom at all times.

L7GuUcrAround your house, be sure to secure furniture such as bookshelves and heavy furniture that could tip easily to the wall using brackets.  Use doorknob covers to keep them out of rooms with potential hazards and to keep them from leaving the house unsupervised.  Make sure your window blinds do not have looped cords on them as they can present a strangulation hazard to a young child.  And always cover your electrical outlets with protective covers to keep small fingers from them and small objects from being inserted into them.

Check your house over carefully for other potential hazards and address them immediately.  With these precautions and some common sense, your household will be your child’s haven. 


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Child's Education, family time, momblog, Relationships

Get Involved in your Child’s Activities, Hobbies and School

via Get Involved in your Child’s Activities, Hobbies and School

How-To-Strengthen-Parent-child-Relationship

It’s probably no secret that children who have involved parents are more happy, healthy, and well-adjusted and excel at their educational and extracurricular pursuits.  It can increase their cognitive development, keeps them motivated, strengthens the parent-child relationship, and has a direct positive influence on their overall academic achievement.  In turn, it can also help parents achieve a positive outlook on their parenting, increase their own self confidence and self esteem, and will most likely feel more satisfied with their child’s educational experience at school.

But where do you get involved?  

With today’s busy schedules between home, work, and school, it may feel that the average family has very little quality time to offer.  However, different options and levels of commitment are available to fit every parent’s availability, and with some careful planning and dedication, you can make it a positive experience for both yourself and your child.

First of all, discover what your child is most passionate about.  Maybe you’ve thought about volunteering for the school bake sale to raise money, but your child is actually more actively involved in her local Girl Scouts troop.   If that’s the case, then get together with the other Girl Scout parents and see what you can contribute to help the troop.  Maybe you could organize a bake sale to benefit their next summer outing.

family-time

It’s also important to consider what skills, talents and abilities you can bring to the table.  Maybe your child’s school is in desperate need of your help organizing a fundraiser, but your skills in sewing and designing might better serve the school if you were to help in making the costumes for the school play.  Remember, you want this to be a positive experience for both of you, and if your child senses that you’re not happy with what you’ve chosen to become involved in, then they likely will not be happy as well.

But the bottom line is get involved and stay involved.  Children of involved parents are less likely to get into mischief, have emotional problems, or have problems in school. 

You benefit by connecting with and staying connected to your child.  It’s a win-win situation for you both.


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child development, family time, momblog, Relationships

Actively Listening to your Child

via Actively Listening to your Child

Communicating with our children can be a difficult task at times.  We feel like they’re not listening to us; they feel like we’re not listening to them.  Good listening and communications skills are essential to successful parenting.  Your child’s feelings, views and opinions have worth, and you should make sure you take the time to sit down and listen openly and discuss them honestly.

It seems to be a natural tendency to react rather than to respond.  We pass judgment based on our own feelings and experiences.  However, responding means being receptive to our child’s feelings and emotions and allowing them to express themselves openly and honestly without fear of repercussion from us.  By reacting, we send our child the message that their feelings and opinions are invalid.  But by responding and asking questions about why the child feels that way, it opens a dialog that allows them to discuss their feelings further, and allows you a better understanding of where they’re coming from.  Responding also gives you an opportunity to work out a solution or a plan of action with your child that perhaps they would not have come up with on their own.  Your child will also appreciate the fact that maybe you do indeed understand how they feel.

It’s crucial in these situations to give your child your full and undivided attention.  Put down your newspaper, stop doing dishes, or turn off the television so you can hear the full situation and make eye contact with your child.   Keep calm, be inquisitive, and afterwards offer potential solutions to the problem.

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Don’t discourage your child from feeling upset, angry, or frustrated.  Our initial instinct may be to say or do something to steer our child away from it, but this can be a detrimental tactic.  Again, listen to your child, ask questions to find out why they are feeling that way, and then offer potential solutions to alleviate the bad feeling.

Just as we do, our children have feelings and experience difficult situations.  By actively listening and participating with our child as they talk about it, it demonstrates to them that we do care, we want to help and we have similar experiences of our own that they can draw from.  Remember, respond – don’t react.


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