child development, family conflict, momblog, Relationships

6 Easy Methods for Preventing and Controlling Tantrums

In one of the previous posts, I gave you reasons why tantrums are not at all bad. By acknowledging that tantrums are perfectly normal for our young children, we could now start making proactive steps to help our kids overcome their feelings of stress, emotional insecurity, and fear.

Here are some of the proven ways to keep meltdowns at bay and effectively controlled:

1. Let your child have a positive emotional foundation

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Do you know that it has been proven that consistent parent and children bonding activities such as playing together can offer positive and lasting impact on the emotional foundation of children? Even story-telling sessions can help reinforce discipline and patience which result in less emotional meltdowns among toddlers and preschool kids.

2. Do not be triggered by your child’s behavior.

1270234No matter how much annoying, stressful, and embarrassing the situation is, do not ever be triggered by your child’s tantrums. Once you react negatively to a child’s meltdown, then you only aggravate the situation. Remember one of the most frequently offered advice to couples about the need to be composed when one is feeling bad or angry? The same goes for our kids.

3. Be able to understand where he is coming from.

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Tantrums have certain triggers. Surely, one cannot behave annoyingly without any reason at all. If your child is over three years old, then it could be much easier to handle tantrums because you can effectively converse with her regarding what she wants, how she feels, and what makes her sad. But if you have a toddler who has a very limited vocabulary, then you can start training her to express herself through actions and signs. This way, you will be able to have a clue if she wants to have a certain toy, whether she is hungry or not, or if she is feeling sleepy.

4. Give him the space to vent out.

Don’t ever try to contain the stress, worry, and sadness of your child by stopping her from crying or screaming. Little children have a very limited capacity for managing their emotions. When they are frequently stopped from releasing their negative feeling, then their very mental health could be affected really badly. If they are having tantrums, give them two to three minutes to let them vent out.

5. Be creative – offer other objects of interest.

imgIf your child still hasn’t overcome her meltdown in three minutes, then you could try diverting her attention to something of interest. If she cries over ice cream, why not point to her stack of blocks or her cute dolls? Use your environment to stimulate her interest. Even a family picture can suddenly turn things around. Talk more about her siblings or even herself. Let her pour down her mental faculties in being amazed by her surroundings.

6. Offer the physical comfort of your mommy or daddy embrace.

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Our little children best understand love through physical means. There is nothing more comforting to our kids than our cuddles and hugs. Embracing your children can stimulate the release of more oxytocin or love hormones which will then allow them to feel much happier and less stressed.


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child development, family conflict, family time, momblog, Relationships

The Six Best Tips to Prevent Shouting at Your Kids

Parenting is definitely overwhelming. Although it is generally happy and fulfilling, it can also be toxic and exhausting at times. When things are not going well such as when our kids fail to listen to us or when they behave in a nasty way, we can have the tendency to yell at them. Is it normal? Or is it even acceptable?

Most moms and dads regret it when they suddenly and unintentionally shout at their children. But no matter how much they want to stop themselves from doing such, they admit that yelling seems to be a natural response.

I understand this sentiment. There are just times when our kids could easily bring out the unexpected beasts in our supposedly soft and loving hearts. But as much as possible, we don’t want this to happen. We want to continually be our children’s protector, nurturer, and safe refuge.

Not shouting at our kids is essential in making them grow mentally healthy and emotionally secure. Studies even point to the ineffectiveness of shouting in disciplining our children. When we yell at them, we do not address the main cause of misbehavior since they won’t usually be receptive to explanations during moments of distress.

To help you prevent from shouting at your children, I have compiled six of the best ways that you can use to make sure that you enforce positive discipline:

1. Identify what triggers your shouting.

1459981233-gettyimages-177462404In order to address the problem which is yelling, then we also need to know the cause of your response. Look back at the times that you have yelled at your children. Was it because of certain misconduct? Then go the extra mile in order to prevent such misbehavior. If your children usually mess up during meal times, why don’t you start teaching them table manners according to their age? If you have a toddler, then you could set up paper floor mats that could catch the dirt as she feeds. Do whatever it takes to prevent your triggers from arising.

2. Make your commands doable and easily understandable.

Your children surely have not fully matured yet, right? Then you must work on the instructions that you give them. If you want them to clean the living room, then be specific with your orders and give them one at a time. Ask them to pick up the scattered toys first, then only after that shall you order them to put the toys in the ottoman or do other things related to it. Do not bombard them with a lot of orders because they will surely fail you at some point in time and that could just cause your emotions to rise again.

3. Offer warning signs to generate teamwork.

"I'm sorry Dad!"

Be able to communicate to your children that you might be at the brink of a disastrous response and that you don’t want to reach that point. It would be nice if you could directly tell them that you are already losing patience and that you may now be triggered to shout. Such warning signs, when communicated peacefully, can generate teamwork because children would most likely rather prevent you from losing your cool than do otherwise.

4. Set realistic standards.

Your kid is not an adult; thus, you cannot expect her to be behaving like an ultra-disciplined adult who has been trained to follow all orders without room for mistakes. If you have a toddler, then don’t expect her to be eating mess-free. If you have an infant who keeps on crying at night, then don’t get mad at her for keeping you awake. After all, our expectations usually set the foundations for our behavioral responses.

5. Reflect on your day and your life.

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Have you had a bad day? Has it been months since you last had your own time for yourself at the salon or a coffee shop? Have you been feeling anxious because of career disappointments? It is important to examine yourself most especially when you have been delivering not-so-acceptable behavior towards the people around you. Be able to know how to address your own frustrations so that you can also live peacefully with your children.

6. Practice. Practice. Practice.

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Yes, it can be hard. Even when you become intentional in changing yourself, your child, and the circumstances, you could still suddenly yell at your child when certain situations happen. If ever you fail, do not ever think that it is the end of your journey to positive discipline. It could take time and a great deal of effort. Keep on practicing. But whenever you fail, do not forget to make a personal apology to your child about what you have done. Let her know that you are capable of asking forgiveness and that you need her help to remove the yelling tendencies.


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How to Use Positive Attention to Have Happier Children

Sorry to burst your bubble, but here is a shattering truth: not all attention is good! Although we always hear the popular advice to give attention to our children, it is very seldom that we are given the reminder to offer positive attention.

As parents, we need to be mindful of and intentional on the kind of attention that we offer our kids.  Not because we are physically present can we assert the rightfulness of our parenting act. We need to make sure that the way that we interact with our children can be considered as belonging to the positive attention category.

To help you give your best foot forward in this parenting journey, let me offer some of the most helpful tips to use positive attention so that your kids can develop fully, happily, and optimally:

1. Offer the warmth of your smile.

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How often do you smile at your kids? When you get home from a stressful day at work, do you still manage to show your smiling teeth or do you bring the frustration from your job to your living space?

 

2. Give your hugs even during tantrums and trying moments.

Managing toddler tantrums and dealing with constantly crying infants can truly exhaust you. Some parents have a tendency to shout at their kids who give them difficult times. It is not enough to just stop your kids from crying. What is important is that you show your affection during the moments when they are emotionally down. Offer them hugs instead of just verbally asking them to wipe off their tears.

3. Listen to your children’s stories.

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Children who are only learning to talk can be quite annoying for some people. Although they could be generally cute, some people cannot stand hearing repetitive words and noisy expressions. As a parent, never should you have the same attitude such as theirs. Enjoy this phase. Be patient even when they are stuttering. Encourage them to articulate their thoughts well by helping with the formation of words and sentences.

4. Set your bonding activities together.

Do you know that a lot of kids consider their bonding activities with their parents as some of the most precious moments of their life? Create a routine with each of your children. Even when you have dozens of kids, make sure that you can set aside a few minutes with each one to perform a special activity.

5. Discover their gifts and interests.

Our children have their own talents, abilities, and interests. Have an effort to discover what it is that your children want to do. Exploring these things with them can reinforce your relationships.

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These tips seem to be trivial, right? Despite their non-complexity, they are very important in your parenting journey. Here are the reasons why positive attention can help your children:

  1. Positive attention can build your children up. It can help them have confidence with their own selves and have the courage to explore their capabilities.
  2. Positive attention can conquer all their hidden fears and create a safe haven for growth. Emotional security can prevent depression later on in their lives.
  3. Positive attention creates wonderful surroundings that can make your children feel a lot happier and more fulfilled.

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child development, Child's Education, family conflict, momblog, Relationships

Follow Through Is the Key to Successful Behaviour Management

They beg, plead, cry, barter and scream – anything to get out of doing the time for their crime.  However, don’t lose your strength and your will during this time.  It’s times like these when consistent behaviour management action is imperative to teaching your child positive and acceptable behaviors.  There is no room for negotiation when it comes to bad behaviors and there should be no room for exceptions when it comes time for punishing misdeeds or bad behavior.

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Hopefully, before any misdeeds occur, you’ve sat down with your child and discussed the consequences of misdeeds and inappropriate behavior or decisions.  Be concise and consistent when discussing these consequences so that when the time to implement them comes, you can follow through with ease.  Children are classically testing the boundaries and limits set on them on a continual basis, and the temptation to ‘bend the rules’ just once or twice can be overwhelming when they’re really trying your patience.  But be firm yet fair.

Emphasize that this was the understood consequence for this particular misdeed or inappropriate action, and that now is not the time to negotiate.  Afterwards, take time out to discuss the situation with your child, and if it seems that perhaps a consequence that worked at first isn’t working anymore, rethink that punishment and negotiate with your child.  Of course, parameters that are set for their well-being or safety should never be negotiated.  But in other instances, it may be time to develop a new consequence based on your child’s age, temperament or maturity level.

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It’s also imperative that your spouse and any other adult caregivers are all on the same page and following through on punishments with the same level of consistency and clarity.  Should you determine that what was once working isn’t working anymore and develop a new parameter, be sure all adult caregivers are brought into the loop so that follow through remains consistent and clear.


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Get Involved in your Child’s Activities, Hobbies and School

via Get Involved in your Child’s Activities, Hobbies and School

How-To-Strengthen-Parent-child-Relationship

It’s probably no secret that children who have involved parents are more happy, healthy, and well-adjusted and excel at their educational and extracurricular pursuits.  It can increase their cognitive development, keeps them motivated, strengthens the parent-child relationship, and has a direct positive influence on their overall academic achievement.  In turn, it can also help parents achieve a positive outlook on their parenting, increase their own self confidence and self esteem, and will most likely feel more satisfied with their child’s educational experience at school.

But where do you get involved?  

With today’s busy schedules between home, work, and school, it may feel that the average family has very little quality time to offer.  However, different options and levels of commitment are available to fit every parent’s availability, and with some careful planning and dedication, you can make it a positive experience for both yourself and your child.

First of all, discover what your child is most passionate about.  Maybe you’ve thought about volunteering for the school bake sale to raise money, but your child is actually more actively involved in her local Girl Scouts troop.   If that’s the case, then get together with the other Girl Scout parents and see what you can contribute to help the troop.  Maybe you could organize a bake sale to benefit their next summer outing.

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It’s also important to consider what skills, talents and abilities you can bring to the table.  Maybe your child’s school is in desperate need of your help organizing a fundraiser, but your skills in sewing and designing might better serve the school if you were to help in making the costumes for the school play.  Remember, you want this to be a positive experience for both of you, and if your child senses that you’re not happy with what you’ve chosen to become involved in, then they likely will not be happy as well.

But the bottom line is get involved and stay involved.  Children of involved parents are less likely to get into mischief, have emotional problems, or have problems in school. 

You benefit by connecting with and staying connected to your child.  It’s a win-win situation for you both.


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